Some days we don't hear God. Some days He moves in whispers, or seems to be perfectly quiet. Other days He moves in us like He did for me in the courtroom. If God worked like that everyday, then it would be easy to be a Christian. But we all know that is not the case. In days where I don't see, or rather feel God's hand on my daily circumstances. It is then when faith has to kick in and I need to remember these verses:
But He knows the way that I take {Job 23:10}
my sighing is not hidden from You {Psalm 38:9}
You are the God who sees me {Gen 16:13}
I have been quietly, underneath the surface, been fighting a fear of feeling invisible. That if I am not out with friends, or dating someone, or doing a good job at work (or actually needing all 3 of those things) then I don't feel content with my life. In fact, I feel like my life is passing me by.
If I am having too many days of monotony; coming home from work, making dinner, reading. Pretty much just having quiet nights of simple things. Something stirs in me that I am wasting my life and that I need to get out there! An unsettled feeling rises in my chest that instead of pushing me to make positive changes, leaves me feeling discontent and somewhat worthless and forgotten.
Somewhat unbeknownst to me, is that I realized these feelings are ultimately my search for happiness. They are all good things, but my world cannot fall apart if I am not "having it all". I am just entering into this lesson. So I don't have any answers yet and I haven't seen how God will meet me here YET. But I have confidence that as I continue to be honest with Him, He will continue to meet me. I think Him, even more than me, wants me to live my one life well.
I am trusting that God will meet me here, in His timing ~
