Quiet Sighing

Some days we don't hear God.  Some days He moves in whispers, or seems to be perfectly quiet.  Other days He moves in us like He did for me in the courtroom.  If God worked like that everyday, then it would be easy to be a Christian.  But we all know that is not the case.  In days where I don't see, or rather feel God's hand on my daily circumstances.  It is then when faith has to kick in and I need to remember these verses:

But He knows the way that I take {Job 23:10}

my sighing is not hidden from You {Psalm 38:9}

You are the God who sees me {Gen 16:13}

I have been quietly, underneath the surface, been fighting a fear of feeling invisible.  That if I am not out with friends, or dating someone, or doing a good job at work (or actually needing all 3 of those things) then I don't feel content with my life.  In fact, I feel like my life is passing me by.

If I am having too many days of monotony; coming home from work, making dinner, reading.  Pretty much just having quiet nights of simple things.  Something stirs in me that I am wasting my life and that I need to get out there!  An unsettled feeling rises in my chest that instead of pushing me to make positive changes, leaves me feeling discontent and somewhat worthless and forgotten.

Somewhat unbeknownst to me, is that I realized these feelings are ultimately my search for happiness.  They are all good things, but my world cannot fall apart if I am not "having it all".  I am just entering into this lesson.  So I don't have any answers yet and I haven't seen how God will meet me here YET.  But I have confidence that as I continue to be honest with Him, He will continue to meet me.  I think Him, even more than me, wants me to live my one life well.

I am trusting that God will meet me here, in His timing ~

A Courtroom Mercy

I was sitting in a courtroom this morning.  For maybe the second time in my life.  I made sure to get there nice and early and as I was waiting my turn, lucky for me I had a book in my purse to read to kill some time.  Shortly into my reading...well in fact in just the second sentence I stumbled across the word "courtroom".  I thought to myself, well now that is kind of ironic given that I am sitting in a courtroom right now, and it's not a very common thing!  It triggered my thoughts to think deeper.  Years ago my mom taught me to be on the look out for little things that God shows you throughout your day.  Whether blessings, or reminders, or glimpses of Him.  So I read, and re-read, and re-re-read the sentence over again.  This is what it said, "When I come to the Lord after I've blown it, I come with only one appeal: His mercy.  I've no other defense.  I can't escape my biggest problem: me!  So I leave the courtroom of my own defense.  Because of what Jesus has done, God looks on me with mercy.  It's my only appeal, it's the source of my hope, it's my life" {Paul David Tripp}. 

I chuckled to myself imaging being in front of the judge in just a couple minutes and him asking how I plead, and I cry "MERCY!".  Oh we know that would not work.  BUT... it works for God. Ahhhh.  How very different the Lord works than what we know here on earth.  On earth, if we violate a traffic law (such as failure to get new registration tags ;) ) then we pay a fine.  Mercy is so very contrary to what we know as humans.  That is why we need to think on it often. 

Back to the courtroom. My name was called and I gathered my courage and walked forward; passing many others sitting and waiting their turn.  I was ready to raise my right hand and plead GUILTY!  However, the judge only asked if I corrected my mistake.  I opened my mouth to speak in agreement and my voice was much softer than I knew it to be.  I guess I was more nervous than I thought.  The judge had the warmest eyes and through watching others take their turn at the stand, I acknowledged that he was also the nicest judge I had ever seen.

Needless to say, the judge let me off.  No fine, no slap on the wrist, no penalty.  Even though I was clearly guilty.  I was thankful.  This judge was merciful to me this time...but my only true judge is merciful to me ALWAYS. 

God met me in the courtroom today ~

Who Holds the Key?

I am learning that when something is lingering in my soul and mind...it is most likely there for a reason.  For instance, I have been reading Streams In the Desert just about every morning for a couple months now (For those of you who haven't heard of it, it is an excellent devotional book to help you through difficult times - which let's be honest, can seem to be quite often).  Yesterday's reading was about a man who asked God for the key to control the wind.  God gave it to him, but the man gave it right back because he was afraid if he shut the wind off, it would cause some detrimental affect to the earth that he didn't know about.  Well as the man handed the key back to God, he saw that God was holding all the keys of his life.  He recognized that if God knew what was best for the wind and the earth, then He most certainly knew what was best for his life and that He could trust Him.

We can trust the one that holds the keys to our life, our families, our earth's, our atmosphere, our universe.  God knows what is best - and sometimes it feels like He doesn't.  But alas God says, "“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,  neither are your ways my ways,” {Is 55:8}

We can trust the One that holds all the keys to our life in His very own nail-scarred hands.  If He loves us enough to DIE for us, then certainly He loves us enough to care about each and every little thing going on in our lives.  Don't let Satan fool you.  Satan hisses in your ear that God doesn't hear you, that He doesn't care, that He has no significant plans for you, that you are worthless, or that you will always be alone.  Tie Satan to the ground and don't let him hiss at you anymore.

This is where God met me yesterday evening ~

I suppose my first blog post should have been reserved for the purpose of explaining this blog and what the title, "Angel on the Porch" means.  Well, the title is nothing I made up; it's lyrics from Needtobreathe's latest album: The Reckoning.  I like the concept of "maybe there's an angel on my porch".  Despite the chaos, the mess, the laughter, the tears, the good times and bad times - there is an angel on the porch...guarding, protecting, guiding.  So that is what this blog is.  A place for me to recognize my Angel on my very own porch despite what appears to be the messes I make throughout my days.

This is where I want to meet God ~